


Long Live The King

by Athena413, More_Than_Four_Quadrants



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 13:05:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12705594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena413/pseuds/Athena413, https://archiveofourown.org/users/More_Than_Four_Quadrants/pseuds/More_Than_Four_Quadrants
Summary: This is the worst thing we've ever made. Do not read if you value your sanity.





	Long Live The King

Once upon a time, there was a gun.

The legends said this gun was not one that shot the body, but one that shot the mind, being able to kill memories.

People pursued this myth for decades. They sought it, for reasons, unknown to many.

The legends were false, it was litterally just a regular fucking gun. It shot bullets.

But this story isn’t about the gun, it’s about the people who pursued it and traversed the ancient dungeon where it was said to be guarded by vicious monsters, one of these people was Dave Strider.

Dave, err, ‘persuaded’ the guards with his wicked sword. He sought it for one reason, to forget about the past.

Dave then entered the next area of the dungeon, it was large, dark, and full of small holes dug by indigenous creatures that lived there, in those holes, eggs.

Dave attempted to sneak by not to get caught, unfortunately, what he hadn’t realized, was that the eggs were the creatures, so he was quite surprised when they sprung to life and jumped at him.

Dave then stabbed one of the eggs, then dropkicked another egg. They were overwhelming him, so he sped into the next room. He really needed the universal specibus badge.

A bunch of the eggs had found a way through a hole above, and were about to drop down on dabe

Dave, unaware, kept running for his goal.

Then he noticed the descending egg’s shadows.

Dave then muttered “shit”. He then stabbed one of the falling eggs, and kept running for it.

Seeing one of the egg-bodies, Dabe noticed that the eggs has two penises.

“Ah, fuck me” he muttered as he ran into a dead end, of course, years of being totally badass had taught him how to do sick parkour bro, so he ran up the wall and did a backflip onto the egg swarm, killing most of the eggs.

Dave, however, left himself open. He was attacked by one of them. Recoiling back, he pushed a egg to the ground, breaking the eggbone, and straight up, ran THROUGH a wall.

An egg latched onto daves 100 percent smelly bum and stuck his two penises in both Dave’s urethra and anus.

Dave then blacked out from the pain of having a fucking penis slammed into his fucking penis, he woke up five minutes later bound and gagged in a weird throne room looking place, with his penis removed.

Dave then just struggled fruitlessly. Outside, he could hear pistol fire. However, he was currently in too much pain.

He then blacked out again, only to wake up again in another area, with an ache in his anus, inside some prison looking area. The gunfire cannot be heard now.

Dave realized the dull ache in his anus was the only pain he could feel, and he was glad for a second.

Then he remembered the implications of this and he wasn’t glad anymore.

“Oh hey, it’s a new fuckstick, who would have guessed.” then he realized he wasn’t alone in his cell.

“Fucking great, now i have to deal with some fucking nookchafe human who thinks he’s business”

His cellmate appeared to be a short troll with nubby horns, the sign of cancer in grey on a black shirt, and a very pissed off atitude.

Dave then replied back with “So, who are you?”

“A PERSON WHO GOT CAUGHT BY THESE EGG THINGS.” the cellmate shouted.

“geez no need to be like that”

“Not sorry.”

A voice came from the hallway, obviously female “Hey, be quiet you two!” A woman came into view. Wearing a black robe, round glasses, she revealed herself to be Jade Harley.

“1 DON’T KNOW, 1 W4S 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF 3NJOY1NG TH3M B1CK3R1NG” Sad yet another troll, this one with some shiny red shades and the libra sign on her shirt.

“Well, just be quiet.” Jade  said to the prisoners.

“well maybe if you tell us  why we’re here”

“TO F4C3 JUST1C3  FOR YOUR CR1M3S”

“what”

The pistol gunshots started again, closer this time, though. “Y34H, DON’T YOU R3M3MB3R?” “no.” “YOU K1LL3D TH3 3GGS. D1DN’T YOU KNOW NOT TO K1LL TH3 3GGS?”

“Why in the everliving fuck would we not kill the eggs when they attacked us first, besides, if you knew not to kill the eggs why are you here?” Dave questioned

“TO OV3RS33 YOU FOR S4F3TY” Terezi answered

“whose’s safety” Dave questioned

“TH3 3GGS” Terezi replied

“Self defense.” Dave answered

“Oh, be quiet, prisoners.” Jade said

The Gunshots are getting louder.

“W3 SHOULD PROB4BLY GO

B3FOR3 W3R3 D34D”

“I agree.”

Footsteps are heard, gradually fading away. Meanwhile, the shots were getting louder.

“Why, you three should be quiet, before you get puuunished!” Jade then turned on the light. This revealed a dead Rose, naked, and drenched in cum. Dave gagged.

“Oh my gog did these bitches just leave us here with some random bitches corpse?” Karkat asked, in an exasperated fashion.

Dave mumbled something.

“Oh and what the fuck do you have to say” The troll questioned condescendingly.

“That was. My sister.” The Strider said quietly.

“Oh, fuck, uh, sorry dude”

“Anyways, we should probably find a way out.” Dave said.

“I AGREE, for once.” Karkat replied, before the lights went out, and the room was drenched in red light.

“What just happened”

“Power outage. Someone’s breaking IN, or OUT.”

Gunshots and slicing could be heard. Either someone with a universal Specibi, or two people were coming towards them.

Two guards, wearing similar clothes, dragged the body of a very mangled corpse. It was a troll, for sure, but there wasn’t anything very identifiable in that mess. He did know that he saw what might be 2 pairs of small, stubby horns, but that was all.

Upon closer inspection, the guards were more like Janitors, taking out the “trash”.

They threw the dead troll into Dave and Karkat’s cell and walked off whistling an upbeat tune.

“So, uh, what do we do now? My sister’s dead, and we’re stuck in the garbage depot.” Dave said.

“Break these cuffs?” Karkat said. In fact, he was already doing that. Atleast, trying to.

The gunfire and slashing was getting louder. In fact, Karkat heard the sound of laser blasts.

“don’t think that’s gonna work” Dave said.

“IT WILL WORK.” Karkat said, in a, rather loud/slient way. Footsteps got louder, and the familar visage of Jade and Terezi appeared. Karkat hid his withered cuffs.

“COM3 ON L3TS GO PR1SON3RS” Terezi said. The cell door opened, and Jade came in with a rifle, pointing it at Karkat and Dave.

“Nice and easy. Get up, and follow me.”

Jade knocked both Karkat and Dave out with the butt of her rifle. When Dave woke up, he was on one side of an arena, of sorts. Karkat was on the other, just woken up. Jade overlooked the entire arena, and announced that the winner would take on John Egbert in a one on one fight.

“Go.”

Dave froze up at the mention of John’s name, they’d gotten his best friend? He’d heard that John had gone missing for months now and had been worried sick, he’d never imagined that he’d ran off to the Dungeon, but it made sense.

“I told you to move!” Jade shouted, punching Dave in the back, pushing him forward, he stumbled and tripped.

Jade took offense to that.

She aimed her rifle at the back of his head and shouted “I swear if you don’t move i’m gonna fucking shoot you, 5”

she began counting out the seconds to Dave’s demise as he scrambled to get up, and kept pushing him down.

“4”

“3”

“2”

“1”

She fired.

Dave looked up in astonishment, she’d missed? From this range?

Then he noticed the gun had been pushed off to the side, so it barely missed him, and was wrapped in an ethereal blue glow.

“Now now, let’s not be so hasty dear Jade, we haven’t even made them fight to the death yet”

And that was John.

In a red cape, his underpants, and an expensive looking crown with blue gems in it.

And Jade had hastily apologized to him and called him king of the eggs.

What the fuck was going on

John then flew back to, somewhere. Where had he been hiding, all this time? Dave was going to ask him that, then he flew away, leaving him dumbfounded.

Dave seemed, conflicted, as if he was about to ask Jade something. Then, he decided, 'fuck it. One of us is going to leave this round alive.’ He steeled his expression, and took out his sword.

Karkat did the same with his sickle. They were both in agreement. One of them was going to leave this round alive.

Jade counted down again. When were these idiots going to move? She raised her rifle.

“5.” Jade said. Dave gritted his teeth.

“4.” Jade said. Karkat got ready.

“3.” Jade said. Dave prepared to charge.

“2.” Jade said. Karkat got ready to charge.

“1.” Jade said, readying to fire at Dave, when suddenly, they both began to move.

Both of them charged at each other, without even a word. Jade put her weapon down. Dave went for a heavy sideslice, Karkat went for a light jump roll, slice thing. They were getting close to each other now, almost in sword fight range. Dave went for a slice. Karkat blocked that, and went for a stab. Dave then jumped back, and lunged at Karkat. Karkat sidestepped it, and then sliced Dave in the back, catching him off guard, inciting a burning cry of pain from Dave, whose red shirt was bleeding red.. Enraged, Dave then went faster. He abused time, and used Timeclones, 4 copies of himself went for a slice, a lunge, a stab, and a headshot, while he went for a stab. Karkat, who didn’t have time to even scream, was shish kebab’d instantly, in the chest, the arm, the head, and the crotch. Blood oozed out of every wound. His body fell to the ground, in 4 pieces. The crowd went wild. A you win banner dropped in front of Dave, who was currently using his sword to stand, while Karkat’s decapitated body parts then were carted away. One audience member prepared to shoot Dave, then relented. He sat back down, putting his rifle thing away. It was time for round 2. Dave got ready to fight his childhood friend, John. Dave then realized, exactly just what he needed to do. After all, it’s what he’d always do.

Jade, readying her rifle, aimed the gun at John.

“Five.”

“Four.”

“Three.”

“Two.”

“No.”

John looked up, sad.

“I’m not going to kill him.”

Jade lowered the rifle.

“Well, if that’s the case, I might as well enjoy you. Dave, you can walk around or whatever while I do this. I’ll teleport you when I’m done.” Jade smirked, then teleported her and John away, with Dave being teleported outside the prison cells. Dave ignored Terezi’s words as he walked away.

Around 5 minutes of wandering later, and around 20 stern looks from guards, Dave heard talking from Jade. He walked closer to the door, labeled “DO NOT ENTER, QUEEN ONLY.” 

“Well then, John. You made a mistake, doing that.”

“p-please, no”

Dave looked through a window, oddly placed, and saw Jade, naked, towering over John, robes ripped up, laying on the ground. Jade began to crouch down.

“Too late, breath boy.”

John squirmed as Jade’s dog dick slithered its way into his anus. He obviously didnt like it. Jade watched as John’s penis began to extend higher and higher. She proceeded to take out a long, thin metal rod and push it down his urethra. John cried out in pain and blacked out as the rod went in. Jade kept going, until orgasming into a massive volcano of cum, rupturing his asshole. When jade was done with him, John was dead. He had been fucked to death.

Dave was utterly enraged and disgusted by this.

So disgusted, in fact that a guard had decided to check up on him.

“Hey! You can’t do that, that’s only for the que-…” The egg guard trailed off as he saw his king dead on the floor, queen standing over him.

And then the riot began.

Egg corpses were splattered all around, Jade was sporting a few injuries herself and he was pretty sure Terezi died.

It wasn’t hard to get lost in the crowd.

Twenty-five minutes later and Dave had somehow found it.

The gun.

It came with a gunkind strife specibus actually.

It was a normal gun though, no mind powers or anything.

Dave took it anyway.

It was a revolver, seven shots.

He stashed it in his subspace storage.

He heard what sounded like someone opening a tear in spacetime.

“Hello there David” The queen said to the knight, he idly noted that she was wearing the crown john had been wearing, the gems were black now.

He had a plan.

“I don’t see the gun anywhere, oh my, did you take it?” she giggled.

“It’s not like that puny thing will help you, I don’t need memories to know when to kill a bitch”

He drew his sword.

“A sword, really Dave, is that the best you have? Such a shame”

She pointed her rifle at him.

“Well, it’s been fun knight, but i’m afraid you have to die now.”

He shot towards her.

She fired.

It hit him in the shoulder, his dominant arm, that would make things a bit hard.

He lunged for her, sword held high.

Little did she know, the lunge ruse was a distaction.

She shot him next to the heart, barely missing any vital blood vessels, he shot her in the head, right between the eyes.

He they landed in an awkward position, her laying on her back in the ground, dead, him on top of her, barely in better condition.

She came all over him.

He let out a weak chuckle, took the crown off her head, and placed it on his.

The jewels changed to red rubies.

“Long live the king.” He said weakly.

And then he died.


End file.
